Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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