i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
