Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
