I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
