it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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