HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
