If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
