boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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