Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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