She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
