I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
