You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
