I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
