Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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