Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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