Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Say something about gay babies.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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