is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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