Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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