My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
