so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
