I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
