Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize