He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
