I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
