You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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