I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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