so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
