On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
