At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
