at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
