I need help removing her.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
