I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
