I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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