its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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