my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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