I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sext me about skeletons
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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