after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
