Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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