I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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