I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
