he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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