I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
