Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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