We won't sleep together?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
