On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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