having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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