I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
