is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
