Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
