Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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