We won't sleep together?
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
