oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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