She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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