i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
