Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
