Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
