If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
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There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
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I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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