Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
