Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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