I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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