I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm jealous of your bromance
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
