the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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