i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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