i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
