Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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