In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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