have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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