Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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