woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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