Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
