I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
